War - this word was in my head when I woke up today. And the phrase "Do not internalize!". With it a very gloomy feeling in the stomach.
Slowly coming back to my senses I asked myself the question, what this could possibly mean to me.
Yes, this gloomy, but also familiar feeling was - total helplessness.
I felt a deep helplessness and at the same time a distinct inner resistance towards this feeling.
Of course, it is always a matter of allowing such a feeling to arise, of really letting it rise, if we are in a safe environment and want to free ourselves from unconscious influences to our behavior. For they always show us the way to the shadows of our own and also collective past, which we have not yet fully processed.
Situations from my childhood in which I felt unsafe and completely helpless.
Situations in which the unfathomable war experiences of my parents and grandparents were reflected. And anything else that may exist.
The "certainty" long carried within myself that during my lifetime I would not have to witness such situations - even if only indirectly - didn't exist, it had always been just an illusion. >>Autsch<<
How will I be able to sustain my trust in life - and this without maybe falling into "toxic positivity"? In other words, to remain fully "functional" without losing connection with myself and with reality?
With this question on mind, I took a proverbial breathing break. I remained lying in bed, breathing deeply and consciously, feeling into my body and letting go of the schedule for the day for the time being. This simply was of more importance right now. The return of my autoimmune dis-ease, which I had thought to have overcome, made this very clear to me.
Slowly and gradually, at first, the inner resistance dissolved - I became aware, here again an emotion from my childhood, an obviously very deep-rooted one, was about to surface. Simply observing this and continuing to breathe deeply and evenly, I was finally able to accept the feeling of helplessness as real in the here and now.
Yes, in regard to the present situation not only in Ukraine but also numerous other countries, I am mainly helpless. However, certainly not in terms of my own, immediate reality of life.
Anyone who has ever had to deal with an autoimmune disease may know that these are usually based on internalized conflicts. Toxic peacefulness, so to speak, in which we often do not set boundaries for far too long in the case of conflicts in our outer world. As a result, we often absorb energies, which subsequently put us in a situation of overwhelm or even may manifest in physical symptoms.
So the point is to live healthy aggression through setting boundaries in time. However, this sometimes seems to be possible only in our interior world, i.e. whenever other people try to solve their own inner conflicts by acting them out freely in the outside world and towards other people.
By that do we not let ourselves be tempted to fall into such unconscious behavior ourselves. For instance, also by tolerating other people's misbehavior for far too long so we might in the end not even be able to help ourselves anymore gracefully.
Let us therefore look for the answers where they can always be found: deep within ourselves. And - let us be grateful if we ourselves are not currently involved in a warlike conflict.
And let us always be benevolent mirrors to each other and also to ourselves, wherever it is essential to set up boundaries. When communication is well functioning, this can often happen even without words. Let us admit vulnerabilities ourselves and also concede them to others, but let us not allow ourselves or others to use (supposed) weaknesses as opportunities to attack.
So let's be mindful of ourselves and others and consciously step out of this so destructive "game of adults", also called "victim-perpetrator-savior dynamic". Which right now, if we do look with open eyes, can be observed almost anywhere.
Yet we have a choice. Yes, most of us are overwhelmed by the current situation - so let's give ourselves and also each other the space to recognize this and not try to simply cover up this uneasy feeling, this deep insecurity by "being frantically busy". Let us rather go proverbially "within ourselves" - and in this way finally find our way back to ourselves. And to all the positive impulses of life within us.
Let's nurture them, let's not let them be taken away from us. Instead, let's consciously give them more and more space inside of us. By doing things which are beneficial for our body, our mind and our soul - and without violating the boundaries of others at the same time.
For myself, these are presently above all more sleep than usual to be able to really process all the specific challenges of the current time.
Then meditation - for some praying may be more helpful -, calm and balancing exercises, connecting with nature, practicing deep and conscious breathing, a healthy diet and sufficient supply of pure water, as well as the supply of negatively charged ions.
The latter being the only form of "negativity" that I consciously - because vitally-needed - want to let into my system.
All other negativities I encounter, I choose to look for and also dissolve resonances still remaining inside myself, which might possibly trigger me into unconscious automatic re-actions. This way I succeed keeping my energies more and more to myself and shifting essential boundaries, which presently are often not noticed or paid attention to in our outer world, inwardly.
In doing so, I open up my own and inner world more and more for my true Self and the life within me - instead of getting involved in meaningless fights in the outside world and/or building up walls.
Why do I care? Well, only this way I am able to also be helpful for others - instead of trying to heal my own unconscious conflicts within or through them.